Am I Doing Too Much?

Chardonnay and Beer

I was reading a conversation on For Harriet between the sites founder Kimberly Foster and author/professor Yaba Blay.  They were discussing colorism and the documentary Light Girls. It was a very interesting exchange, but one thing in particular got me to thinking. The two women briefly discussed a desire they have as dark-skinned Black women to have light-skinned Black women acknowledge their privilege in discussion around oppression.

As a light-skinned Black woman, I get that. It is very difficult to have a productive, non-damaging exchange of ideas with a privileged person that doesn’t even recognize their own privilege.

It has only been the last couple of years that I have been learning about white supremacy, patriarchy, intersectional feminism, etc. I still have a long way to go in that learning, but just those few years have given be a better understand of the way the world works against oppressed people…

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Invisible Women

This is like a 2.0 of my blog “The You that You don’t see”

SUM City

One of the biggest stories to captivate entertainment headlines this year has been the emergence of Lupita Nyong’o. Her Oscar winning performance as Patsey in 12 Years a Slave catapulted her to the forefront of the public eye. Once there, she has developed almost a second career as the Queen of the Red Carpet, appearing at film festivals looking flawless in stunning gowns that designers are falling over themselves to dress her in. This summer she landed the cover of People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful issue. Her Oscar acceptance speech about what defines beauty sparked a wave of affirmation from women around the world who fight daily to be seen as attractive and desirable within themselves when bombarded constantly with a narrow standard of beauty. Lupita is the most recent black female star to explode into pop culture but obviously she isn’t the only one. From Michele Obama to Olivia…

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The other day I decided to begin a journal. Although I have my trials & tribulations in life, I find that there are so many things for me to be thankful for, things that I’d be afraid to loose because, I honestly wouldn’t know how to live without them if they were to suddenly dissapear, and things which feed to my happiness. I wanted to actually give appreciation to these things, I wanted to feed the motivation that I know I needed in order to stay motivated. I call this journal, 5. In it I write everyday in the morning, 5 things I’m grateful for so I can begin my day with a reason, and so I can begin my day already knowing the answer to the question- “why?”

Why am I here?

Why do I continue to do this?

Why is this person in my life?

Why should I smile?

5, answers all of these questions for me as I at the same time, provide it will all of my answers. So far, I’ve became more appreciated of life. I find myself smiling more, my social life has already evolved, and I’ve noticed that people are starting to come up and talk to me, rather than me just sitting at a table and being anti-social (yes this was me).

I reccomend that you start your 5, (Talking to YOU reader), find a book you’re not using or go ahead and buy a composition book and start every morning, to write down the 5 things you are grateful for, the 5 things that keep you alive! I promise you, that you will find life so much more enjoying, and the vibes you are sending out into the universe will respond in your favor.

Here are my 5 things of grattitute for today

1. Being able to live this day

2. My jacket that keeps me warm

3. This ipad that allows me to blog anywhere, anytime

4.Being able to have breakfast with my girlfriend

5. All of you readers & rebloggers! What would my life be without you? I Love You All!

10 Commandments Of Love


Thou shall have love for self

The most important commandment of all and what should be the number 1 rule of life followed by everyone yet, there are still many people who have not digested this into their mind, body, & soul’s. There are still people who do not love themselves. When have not found love for self, the return is that you subconsciously grow in hating yourself. But when a person has love for self, he/she can both have & accept love from the world, and they will enjoy the beauties of life. Understand you before you expect someone else to. Love yourself before you unfortunately mistake love to have abuse, slander, and unfaithfulness, as its illustration.


Thou shall not have another significant other

Thou shall not cheat! The simplest rule made for a relationship yet it’s the most broken. Follow ups to this are to never put another man/woman before your man/woman, never take another’s word before your spouse’s word unless your spouse’s word is dishonest and has been proven to be so, and never allow another to borrow what is sacred to your spouse.


Thou shall love & Value Truth

Be Honest! Do not hide in the shadows from truth nor hide truth in the shadows. For one to be honest, one has to understand the value of honesty and all its good which it brings to all kinds of relationships including friendships, family, and it is indeed the most effective medicine for the romantics. Honesty determines where the relationship is headed. If one is truthful, then an honest relationship is expected to be had and worries of infidelity & the occurrence of insecurity, will cease to exists in either partners thoughts.


Thou shall accept their spouse for as they are

Do not intend to change anyone from their natural state! There are people who tend to change someone when they don’t seem to fit their criteria, avoid these kinds of people in relationships and avoid yourself from having this insecure trait. Do not forget who you fell in love with or who you decided to begin a relationship with, this is the person you allowed to be in your life and attempting to change that person for selfish reasons, is damaging to that person’s mind & wellbeing. So accept your love as he/she came, a person who can do this is a person with integrity and security of themselves.


Thou shall not allow the relationship to be affected by outside influence

He says, she says are dangerous! Family & friends will always have something to say about a relationship which they have no involvement in. They appear to be professional mediators & romance specialists while giving bias advice, which causes confusion & disaster in the relationship of the one who takes their advice for aid. Your feelings end up not being your feelings but instead feelings planted in your mind, and regretful decisions end up being made. The decisions made in a relationship, the route that you and your partner decide to take the relationship on, should be made solely by the true feelings of you and your partner.


Thou shall understand communication

This commandment comes in a –step process- 1.Texting is not good communication when there are disputes and confusion upon a matter! Do not attempt to argue through texting because the lack of emotional understanding causes the lack of person understanding. Settle your disputes in person. This way you can know truly how the other person is feeling and they in turn will understand you… 2.Talk everything out, if there is a sense of uneasy feelings, figure out what those feelings are immediately! 3. Do not shy away from having regular talks or telling your significant other that you love them. You never know what effect it may have on their day. 4. Never think you know everything about your lover and that there is nothing more for you to learn. Continue to ask your partner questions about themselves whether it has to do with their job, or their day in general. Many do not realize it, but this keeps the spark at flare in your relationship. 5. Communicate as if you were still friends, if you can recall, this is when communication was something to look forward to.


Thou shall not slander their spouse

If there are issues at home, keep it at home! If once again, you and your spouse have had a fallen out and have decided to take a few hours or a one day temporary split (this happens), do not take your frustrations to social media! It is so important that you do not publicize the damages in your relationship because it causes an even more and now incurable damage. Once you show the public that someone has temporarily walked out of the relationship, you leave an open door and when that person comes back, they may end up finding themselves coming back to see someone else in their home or even worse for you, you may be the one finding someone now to be in your spouse’s home, playing the “consoler”. You do not want this! Furthermore, slander creates a bad name for your spouse and the relationship, and it also creates a bad image on you when you’ve decided to reconnect with your spouse and “take back” all the slander you provided as entertainment for the world to see.


Thou shall keep the fire stimulated

Just because you have made it into having years in with your significant other, it does not mean that what made the relationship exciting in the beginning, cannot make the same relationship exciting now. But instead of just re-doing old happy habits that made your significant other smile daily, evolve those habits into something new & exciting, this keeps the relationship afloat and for men, it keeps her bragging about how happy & lucky she is to have you, and most importantly, it keeps her with you. So spice it up!


Thou shall not fraudulently steal a heart

If you do not intend to be with the person long-term, do not intend to abuse the person with your short-term goals. There are people who now feel like relationships are useless because they have dealt with those who only wanted to have them for lustful purposes. People who have lied with promises to love and & be faithful when in actuality, they only lease hearts, they never keep them. Do not play with a person’s heart, this is among one of the worst sins you could ever commit. Playing with someone’s heart can ruin them in a way that it may end up being difficult for them to find someone who will love them honestly, because it is no longer easy for them to trust. You can ruin a person’s relationship with friends & family members because now they have created such a big wall due to their experience with you, which now makes it’s hard for anyone to get close to them. If you are an intentional heart breaker and someone who enjoys sex with random women, either join a job field best suited for that, or immediately seek professional help!


Thou shall not break at the first sign of fracture

Arguments happen, sometimes the two of you may not speak, and there will be times of disagreement, this does not in any way mean that a break up is the immediate solution! Allow a healing process. If the moment time is not best suited for conversation, take time for both of you to digest he situation at hand, think about what you need to say, figure out the appropriate solution, and then jump back to using amendment 6, communication. Love’s only fear is losing itself, love. Love does not walk away because of anger, or because of disappointment. Love does not give up because one upsets the other. Love forgives, love listens, love understands, and love stays….

        These are the 10 Commandments of Love. Follow these steps and live by these rules, and your relationship will be sure to prosper. Don’t forget either that above all, every relationship needs to have the presence of God in it, for if you abandon or be blind to God, you allow the devil to step in and take care of your relationship in the way he sees fit….


Dealing with the pain of breaking up and how to move on!

Hitting 50

Breaking up, hurts, it bloody hurts and there is no way around that.

However there are things you can do to deal with it better, to get over it quicker and that’s what you want right?    I’ve posted about this before, but thought it was worth another outing.

I had been in a relationship with a lovely man for 18 months. I loved him. I thought we would grow old together.  But  there  were problems, there were cracks that I was ignoring, and out of the blue (because I was in denial -doh!) he dumped me.

I was shattered by the news, I appreciate that no one died but grief is grief. My world had ended, I sobbed for hours.   Somewhere in the middle I managed to email my family, who had all loved him, and they rallied round.   My daughter who lived 100 miles away got straight…

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Losing yourself in Limerence

empowerlove catalyst

We can find lessons in everything when we look for them and sometimes they are the hardest things to accept because we just rather have none of it happen.

And believe me, I know…some of these life lessons suck and we just want to curl in bed, eat ice cream or chocolate and never leave again.

This is especially hard when it comes to Limerence.

If you want to learn more about Limerence click the link below.

Is it Love or Limerence?

TED Talk: Helen Fisher (genius)

So I have to admit, I’m actually a Master at Limerence.

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True love

Brooklyn Heart

Looking for love has never panned out right, constantly looking in all the wrong places for Mr.Right, not even realizing I already have true love in my life
Been in my life since I was 13, when I was unaware of my beauty, my potential has yet to be seen, sweeping into my life came a girl who told me to look in the mirror and learn how to love what you see and another girl who told me my dreams could be reached
Those two wiped the tears that came to my face, helped me dust myself off and got me up to finish the race, told me that a fuck nigga can be replaced, told me when I was doing too much and put me back in my place, still to this day they keep a smile on my face
Problems at home kept me on the move…

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