Ever since I was a child I wanted to change the world. As a child I was so bothered by seeing people fight each other, hearing someone express their hate over another, and most of all, knowing that death was a possibility that happened to someone at every breath I took, and I couldn’t be blind to it no matter how long I could keep my eyes closed. It bothered me so much that I used to fantasize about how I could end up being the one who would end all that is wrong with the world, so that everyone in it can go to sleep at peace and wake up knowing that at night, they could once again go to sleep knowing that peace surrounds them.
I would imagine myself as being sort of like a Martin Luther King or a Malcolm X but for all races, not just black.It was more easy for me to have these sort of fantasies without those of hate or anger possessing my mind like those who I knew at school, or those who lounged on the street because I was fortunate with something that many of them weren’t, a father. Now although I did come from a broken home, the one thing that stayed tied was the bond between me and my father. As a child I watched people try hard to get him to quit, and as a child I watched my father fight them back 10 times as hard as he refused to quit loving & Guiding me. Two things of which he did the most. I am 22 years old now and it took me up to when I was 20 to fully understand everything that my father went through in his struggle to keep me so that he could raise me, and to understand and digest all the knowledge he was feeding me throughout my life.
I always loved to write. In middle school I turned short story projects in my English class into an actual series of short books that I would submit for every quarter. I was also very much into wrestling so I would write my own story lines for the WWE, which actually turned out to be a variety of books filled with story lines I believed Vince McMahon could use for years (Sadly these books are now lost to never be found). Although I was picked on for this by a few of my peers, I was much more respected for the creativity inside of my young mind. English teachers adored me but the one person who consistently acknowledged my creative writing was my father. He would always tell me, “you’re going to publish a best-seller one day.” “You are going to go very far in your writing, you just have to keep it up, stay consistent.” I never did take his words as serious as I should have at that age because writing came so easily to me, that I figured that everyone could do it. I was not aware of how much I actually stood out from the other writers at my age. As time went on and I had gotten older, I began to accept the world for what it was and decided that it could not be changed. Although at times I would still fantasize about me being some sort of a hero, in the real world I had given up on myself. Yet, there was one person who had not given up on me, good ol’ pops. He actually grew frustrated with me and my ignorance because for him, he knew he had raised a gifted son, he even said to me, “I cannot do what you do, you are great.” To hear such words come from someone that you look up to as a mentor gives a feeling that could not even be described by the most gifted author. There was even a time when me and my father did not speak for years due to the path of life I decided to take my own on and yet, that still was not enough for this father to quit on his son.
I remember a few years ago I had asked my father..
“How can I reach the people? Look how low they have came, by their own choice. How could the world that have adopted deaf ears to the wise, listen to me and understand that what I have to offer, is what can save them? These people have so many false idols appearing to be their leaders, and they’ve accepted them. How can I?”
He told me
“Son, you giving up on the world is no better than them giving up on themselves, especially when you feel in your heart that you have the tools to make things right. When the time comes when the world really needs you, the “how” answer will come to you, and then you’ll understand why now wasn’t the time. Until then, what your job is now, is to not give up on them.”
I told him that I just wanted to save people. He responded to me with words I keep with me to this day-
“Son, success from big goals comes with disappointments, so here is one for you right now. Stop trying to be Jesus. You cannot save a world will continue to have people that will refuse to be so called “saved” as you put it because they feel that they are at a comfortable position where they don’t need you. I understand your frustration and my advice to you is to continue to do what you love. You love people, continue to do that and provide the people with love and the right ones will walk with you and love you back. It’s a cold world out here son, hand out your blankets with the intent to make people warm, just understand that a few of those blankets will be denied. Especially by people who are cold…”
Wow… And I think about all of the people who don’t get to hear these kind of words or get any kind of motivation from their father… I love you pops!