You’ve heard it before, men and women can’t be friends without being sexually attracted to one another and depending on your relationship situation, you’re probably one who has made this statement. In some cases this is true. Feelings, we can’t get rid of them right? You’ve read this in my blog about “The Big Question”. Feelings are the one thing that as humans, we have no control of, they come with the situation. Now, when it comes to a man and a woman being friends, yes it is possible for two individuals of the opposite sex to have a “just friends” relationship, but how long does it last for being “just friends”?
There are instances where either one or the both of the individuals find each other attractive in either physical or mental, or both, and honestly, neither he nor she can control this. So what gets done about it? Well, they can choose to either do one of these three things, begin seeing each other, figure out how they can still be friends without letting their mutual attraction get in the way, or quit the friendship. It’s honestly a shame when a friendship has to end due to both friends being attracted to her but the reality is, the feelings of attraction can be difficult to control and eventually, emotions begin to rise and someone has to worry about getting their feelings hurt.
I once believed that friends who found each other attractive could still be friends while allowing the attractions to exist, without worrying about emotions ever becoming a threat, but then I learned. I learned that a woman’s feelings can never be shut down, and it’s only so long that a man can pretend that his doesn’t exist.
So does that mean that it’s impossible? No. It takes maturity, and it takes you being able to have the heart for whatever you choose to get yourself into. Now, what if it’s a different situation, what if he or she or both individuals are in a relationship, can two persons of the opposite sex be friends? Once again, it takes maturity, and it also takes having the respect for BOUNDARIES!
In order for two persons of the opposite sex to have a platonic relationship, while they are in a relationship, they have to SET BOUNDARIES!
State your intentions
Never assume for the other person that they already know where you stand.
If you know that it is hard for you to control your desires while you are with the person of the opposite sex, this case being the one who you are attracted to, for the respect of your partner, and for the other person as well, stay away from the “friendship”. Do not engage nor initiate it.
No late night calls or txts’ during the booty call hours. This is any time after 10 pm. Yes, and for people in relationships, anything after 9 is against the law.
No touchy feely! You two are aware of the attraction in the air. Skin to skin contact can lead to many inapropriate things which I do not have to name, so keep your hands to yourself brothers… And you too sisters, you’re not innocent in this.
Make sure the other person is informed and understands these boundaries
Know your limits (this is for the both of you)
This doesn’t require a grocery list of things. You set boundaries by the way you speak to one another and the body language you use.
Never step outside your boundaries even at the most tempting moments. Temptation exists, and for those who have seen Tyler Perry’s movie Temptation, you witnessed what temptation can even do to a “Christian” marriage.
Avoid the what if’s
Discussing what could’ve happened is sometime difficult to avoid, but talking about how it could or could’ve been is okay if both parties feel receptive to these emotions. What if you just want to be friends and that’s it? Discussing the, shoulda coulda woulda’s could lead to discomfort in the other person. Also remember, thoughts become things and your words can create actions, so too much of certain words can lead to the unintentional happening.
So back to the title that brought you here, Why Women and Men Can’t be “Just Friends”? It is indeed possible for two people of the opposite sex to have a strictly “just friends” relationship, but not everybody can handle it. So it’s only impossible, when keeping the boundaries for either the he or she persons involved, is impossible… I hope I’ve solved a question. Till next time, friends…
Feelings, feelings, feelings, heh, quite a something aren’t they? We all have them. It’s that one thing that as humans, whether it’s unfortunate for some or exciting for others, they are the one thing that we cannot get rid of, and they come with 2 sides.
Sometimes we digest the side of things that’s not good for us, and for most it’s because there’s a lack in a better option as a choice. Then there’s the side that we all hate to admit we enjoy, and at most times, because we don’t want to be let down by possible disappointment, we hide them. This side is the dish that serves us with the feelings for another person.
Boy- I like her, you think she likes me?
Girl- I like him, you think he likes me?
Boy- She’s cute.
Girl- I think he’s cute…
So it seems like we’re taking a step back into the middle & elementary school days with this one right? But has those days really left us? Besides the fact that we’re older now and our methods have changed, we still get shy and nervous, and we still wonder if the person that we like, likes us back.
So when is the best time to ask the big question? When is it necessary to find out if it’s time to move from crush to lovers? Well here are a few questions. And if each question is given either a yes or a positive answer, you will be telling yourself if it’s time to propose the next level.
How long have you two been “friends”?
How often do you two spend time doing things that couples do?
Do you really enjoy his/her company? & do they seem to enjoy yours?
Does that person request to see you more than twice a week? Or do they check up on you every day, to make sure you’re alright and to see how your day is going?
Do you at least sense hints from that person, which shows that they may indeed like you further than a friendship level of like?
If you were to see that person with another person of your same sex, would you get jealous? And if given the same question, do you believe that their answer would be the same as yours?
I need you to be honest with yourself with that last question. Remember, you want to know if it’s finally time to ask the big question, but you want to be positive and honest about it. So I’m going to safely assume that each question was given either a positive or a yes response, and if so then that’s great! So is it time? Are you still not sure or are you still too nervous to ask? Maybe you believe that he’s just a really nice guy and you’re telling yourself, “we’re just good friends, he doesn’t like me. If he did, he would’ve told me… Right?”… Wrong! Sorry ladies, but we live in a different era than our parents and I’ve seen that most guys in this generation are not speaking up for what they want when it comes to a woman. That means as long as you’re not saying anything, neither are we. Guys were forcefully taught to just go with the flow with things, due to situations of men being called thirsty for letting a woman know that he finds her attractive, and that he’s interested in learning more about her, and it is also due to the amount of women who have publicly turned down men, when they didn’t have the celebrity status they preferred. We live in what is known as “The Reality Era”, everybody wants to live like what they see on TV. So dear ladies you have to understand, it’s not easy for the men of this generation, a lot of us are traumatized.
With that being said, let’s acknowledge the problem again; so when is the right time for you to find out if the person you’re attracted to is attracted to you in a way that you both can finally start a relationship?How long should you wait? My answer is 30 days.
30 days? Really? Not even 90 days to go along with the traditional 90 day rule? Yes, a 2 months’ time span of couple like activities, the consistency of being in each others company, the phone calls that make you smile even before you answer them, and the captain obvious hints that are being thrown right in front of your face, is enough time to be the time you need, to see if that person is really interested in being more than just friends.
What is the one thing that we all have but we can’t get rid of? Feelings, and feelings are realer than what most of us would like them to be but the truth about feelings is that they hit, and once they hit, they hit hard. So the most important thing you want to do is to avoid getting those hard hitting feelings hurt, because hurt feelings from situations such as this can damage you to the point where you’ve built the Great Wall of China in front of you, and potential. So if you know that you would have the stickiest feeling that would create the “well she don’t look better than me” look on your face, stand your ground, give it the 30 days, be cool, and ask the famous 3rd grade question. The Big question!
For my readers, you can answer below (: