Hey, how are you? Yeah I know, crazy question for me to ask you since I’m the one who’s put you through a lot. I just want to say I’m sorry, I’m sorry for putting you through so much pain, I’m sorry for not carrying for you as I should have, and I’m sorry for treating you like you didn’t matter. I’m sorry, for you always having to hear a thousand different phases of I’m sorry… You know I still remember the first time we fell in love, oh my god we were so excited and I could not for the life of me, hide it from my parents. Everyone saw it, and they all just thought it was cute, and told me, “Welcome to your first”, and said to me, “we’re here for you when you realize that this is only your first.” I didn’t understand at that point, until it was time for me to, and that was the first time for you too. Then we met again, again and again, I don’t know why God kept bringing us together, only for us to keep separating. A cruel man he is, I thought, because although I may have never said it, every time you came around, I secretly wanted you to stay even when people kept telling me that you wouldn’t, they would even say to me that you didn’t exist; just to keep them satisfied, I would pretend to agree. I know, Foolish of me to not speak up for what I want when you’ve made it known so loud and clear, even when they didn’t hear you, you were bold as hell to still come around,
I heard you, and I ignored you, I admit that. It’s not that it was on purpose,
It’s just you know, people grow up you know, we don’t really have the same passionate faith that we once had in some of the things that kept us happy when we were younger. If so, we would be foolish right? For example, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, they were all once so exciting and innocent to believe in because they kept one mutual thing alive in us all, hope, just like I once had in you. Do you remember the first time we became serious in each other? We were old enough so that was when my parents really worried, dad kept tabs on you faithfully, but you promised to keep me safe. We had so much fun, so many memories made and so much excitement! We were truly living in our fantasy! Until we were both forced to realize that we’re not little anymore, and at this stage in life, every ride isn’t as smooth as it seems. It was goodbye to Kansas. I remember the hospital bed, the people standing around it, family & friends, and the pastor praying. You had an attack by something strong, and they didn’t think that you would make it. This is when I knew you needed me the most, you needed me to believe in you, to have faith that you will live and keep on living, because neither one of us would be able to live without the other. It took some prayer along with quite a bit of tears but we both pulled through, and we were both back in function again, only this time, you were a brand new you, and I was a brand new me.
Now this time had to be different. I was tired of seeing you getting disappointed by me, I was tired of seeing you getting hurt because we would never last, and we only survived for the moment. So I tried hard on keeping my distance from you, to prevent another break. But you kept coming, you kept coming for me trying to tell me that this new you wasn’t the same kind of you that was put into that hospital bed, that this you was stronger, and that this you would always stay protected and keep me protected. I wouldn’t listen, I kept ignoring you and pushing you away every time you’d try to get close, I just didn’t believe in you anymore. So eventually you did as I asked, and you went away, then someone found you, and they believed in you, but from the scars I left on you, you were too afraid to believe in them. I can’t live like this anymore,
I can’t keep hurting you, I refuse to let you die alone, I can’t keep you locked up in this place of nothingness, I have to give back to you, what you’ve always try to give to me. So, I’m taking the key and I’m unlocking the door. You must be real, you must be because you feel too much, and only something that is real feels. So I’m taking the chance again, before the time comes when there are no more chances left. But before we try to prove to the world that you are real, this time let’s prove to each other that we can stay together.
This time, let’s make it last….