The scent of the black rose…
The scent that we hide from our nose alond with the root that we forbid our eyes from ever seeing, so that we’ll never believe it, so that it never becomes… A rose on our doorstep.
When I started TruLovExists, my goal was to bring everybody together and to get everyone to understand the importance of unconditional love; which we must all have for each other. With every article you were all growing with me, as I was sharing with you, all that I was learning myself along the way. My goal was to make sure that my people don’t make the same mistakes that I’ve made.Every lesson I gave to you, was also a personal lesson that I had to learn. I’ve made many mistakes in the past, many of which have aided to the growth of the man I am today. However, I’ve also made some mistakes that aren’t so distant in the past. Mistakes that have caused me to loose what I’ve cherished most.
You see, TruLove was also inspired by someone, someone who’s been very special to me for 5 years. This special person really defined true love for me. They gave me the kind of love that I wasn’t receiving anywhere else. No matter how many people would come and go in my life, this person was here to stay. She… She gave me her everything. She fought against her parents defending our relationship; and she stood ground no matter how bad they insulted her for dating me. She gave me her heart, her trust, her body… Her soul. She gave me to me and I gave to her, we shared everything. However, I was the cause for the imbalance.
I wasn’t the best man to the women of my intimate past. I was very much a different man going back from the just recent year of 2014. I was a man who didn’t know what to do with all off the pain I’ve received throughout my life. The pain of watching my mother self-abuse, the pain of needing a father who although was miles away, it felt like our distance stretched into the galaxies. Unable to control this pain and not let it control me, and not yet in understanding of who I was as a young black male, I mistreated women. I lied, I cheated, I verbally slaughtered, and I even abandoned.
Today is the day that Karma gave me her hello.
Today, all of the women that I have ever been with can rejoice. For today, I received all that I was due for hurting each and everyone of them.
It was around this time, six years ago, when I was talking to an ex girlfriend on the phone. We were going through a lot of things which caused us to be separated even while we were still in a relationship. I was letting her know that it was over. She was crying to me, telling me that she didn’t understand why we had to break up; told me that she felt that we were stronger than that. I told her that I couldn’t do the relationship anymore, that I wanted to move on, and she would have to do the same. She said that she didn’t know how to just move on from someone she loved, that its not something that she could just so easily do without pain. I told her yes, it would hurt, but that she would just have to start seeing other people until she was over me. The conversation ended after that. Well, fast forward to 5 years later, and here I am now, being told the same thing over the phone, literally.
Scenes of my life began to flash as I heard those words “you’re going to have to start seeing other people.” I couldn’t believe that the time had come, where I would be on the other side where the heart breaks. I was now on the other end of the stick. I was now hearing the same words uttered to me by someone I truly loved, same words I uttered to someone who truly loved me. My TruLove.
Perhaps she is the knight who came to pay retribution for all those I’ve ever caused pain. However I must say, I caused her the most pain. Me and her were together for 5 years. And throughout these 5 years, I wasn’t as equal to her as she was to me. So many times I pushed her aside, and although the sight of her coming back no matter how much pain I had caused her should’ve woke me up, I just kept pushing. I took the fact that she kept coming back for granted, I never thought that our relationship would come to an end. However, here I was now on the other end of the phone, just as my ex was, listening to those brutal words. “You have to move on. We need to separate. We need to see other people. I don’t want this anymore.” Then there I was, begging, begging for her to not just walk away, telling her that we were stronger than a couple that separated. Just the same way as I too, was being begged. She wasn’t hearing it. And then came what I would have never predicted, hate. Her words to me now were lacking love, they were words that was accompanied by a tone that I too once had for her, and my ex. I now realized that I was facing what I never thought would be, the ending of our true love. Although hurt by it, I understood. She was fed up. She had gone through so much pain & suffering within our 5 years of being together, so how could I blame her? Truth is I couldn’t.
We never know what we are taking for granted, until that same person who we’ve abused take their love and shred it right in front of our face.
Am I saint? No. So did I deserve it, pride once forbid me from showing it but in return for all the things I’ve done, yes, I did, perhaps even more. Perhaps I should be grateful that it wasn’t more. My heart feels abandoned, its confused, it wants light in this pit of darkness. Yet, I’m the one to blame for it being there.
So my message to you readers, those of you who are in a relationship with their current true love. Is that I want you to learn from my wrongs, so that they wont be yours. Although love is such a beautiful thing, it can be a very painful thing if mistreated. So never try to control one another, allow your true love to express his/her feelings and never seek to be the winner of any conversation. Understand that for true love to last, there must be balance, there must be quality between the two of you. Never make your love feel less than a person by complaining about the type of person who they are not and comparing them to other people. You might as well go ahead an be with those other people if they catch your eye so much. Take strong value on conversation and the times you share with each other alone. Bond with each other, do fun things, keep the fame alive! Don’t keep your head down in your phone, that right there is what’s distancing connection. And simply, make sure that if this is something that both of you truly believe in, that you both hold on and don’t allow anything! anything! To tear you apart. That also means don’t do anything that will tear yourselves apart.