December 24, 2014

There was a riot going on in the streets of Chicago. Today, another unarmed black male was gun downed by the police. “He was a good kid, never bothered anyone, just a few months ago he was accepted in Howard, he didn’t deserve to die.” Yeah, you know the story, didn’t deserve to die but was still gunned down. The streets were swarming with unarmed angry protesters who were both black and white, it seemed like everyone who weren’t “law enforcement” had gotten fed up with the murder routine. Then of course you had the heavily armed police who were trying to “maintain the peace” of an unarmed mob. Although obviously outnumbered in arms, the protesters used their number of people which outnumber the number of policeman, to make their voices known.

Shots were fired in the air, empty glass bottle and trash cans were thrown around, there were even some scuffles between police and and some fed up civilians. Quite a few officers tried to silently convince the white protestors to flee the area saying, “this war doesn’t involve you, let these animals riot alone, they’ll get put down and you don’t want to get mixed with the mess.” They refused yelling out “our lives matter too!” Someone else yelled out from the crowd “All lives Matter!” This didn’t sit well with a few of the black protesters and so a separate argument occurred, a few officers began smiling at this and others continued to look annoyed.

Some of the youth protestors, positioned themselves face to face with a few officers, and didn’t move an inch, they maintained eye to eye contact. Some of the officers stood still pretending to ignore the voices in front of them, others were shouting for them to back up, and a few even threatened to pursuit lethal force, one did. A heavy set officer slammed a young black protestor to the ground because he “refused to remove himself from the officers space”’ thus the riot reached a new height of rage.

All of a sudden, there was the sound of an infants cry, yet, everyone was so full of rage that they paid no attention to it. The cry grew louder and louder still going unheard until eventually, it received base and ringed in the ears of everyone up to four blocks away from the scene. The riot ceased and everyone payed attention, looking around until someone spotted a young girl who looked to be about 16, and she was holding a baby which was an infant, in her right hand, and a megaphone in her left. The person pointed to the young girl and yelled “look!” And everyone did, it was stunning. A couple protesters moved for everyone to separate from the girl to give her space, police followed. The girl stood in center of everyone as the streets were still, and began to speak…

“What is the difference between the cry of a child the cry of an adult? That the cry of a child is able to cease a war once it is heard from the heavens, yet when a man cries to the heavens, it is drowned by hollows. Yet even this child’s cry was ignored while trying to compete with the sounds of your war. It is because a child is what man is not. You sacrificed the child once within you to become war men, who die and mourn over death. Yet you complain to me about my own nature? All of men have sinned yet you fight to determine who’s sim deserves providence, and I am here to say that it is none of you who has even a loan on that right to excuse. Neither black man, the yellow man, nor the white man, no man is free from chastisement.

Black man, as evil as you claim the white man to be unto you, you are to your own people.

White man, as much as you fear the rise of the black man, it is the same as much as your wives and children fear the rise of your theocratic habits.

Your battle is with hypocrisy, a war only to aid the ego. You die for nothing but to be faded memory. Do you know this but keep it hidden? Or are you that ignorant of your ways? I truly wonder. To who, does this land belongs? Please, stand forth. Who among you created the heavens & earth? Please, all those who claim to be God, or a god, come forth and amaze the world with your might. Even this baby can sense your shame, and even I, a child, can see the error of your ways.

Destroying a land that is not yours, killing a people whom you did not create, enslaving people you have no rightful ownership over. Yet, you are all men & women of religion? What price must one pay for such crime? You must do this because you believe God is silent and pays no attention. Hmm. I may be “just a child” but I see… The suffering that the people have endured on this Earth has been repetitive. Have you not realized this? History repeating itself, why? It is because man has forgotten and no longer knows or respects his place. Each generation that comes forth still tries to fit themselves on the throne of God. You raise us to think and operate like you once we become of age. To build and destroy senseless… And it is for this exactly, why the suffering seems eternal.

Why must we live this way? Why murder? Why hate? Why separation? What could possibly be your want from life? What is it that is clogging the ears of you people keeping the truth from inter-coursing with your minds? Yes, you people, including all of you. What will it take for you to Change your ways? Does the sun & moon have to depart? Must all animals be taken away?should this land be drained of its water? Must you be treated as you treat children? What tragedy enlightens you all?”

“Who the hell is this little girl and where are her parents? Who gave her the authority to speak?!” Yelled a older white male from the crowd.

“No, who the hell are you and who gave you the authority to breathe, is what you you must answer!” She yelled back. “Do any of you know yourselves? Or are you just moving with instruction and dancing to fine tune? You are all slaves, but who’s your master slave? You don’t need to worry yourself on trying to figure out who I am, without first seeking to know yourselves, and finally becoming conscience of your identity. Then you can ask who I am.

Look at the world you’ve built. Everyone is fighting to receive a title, ok. What next after you receive your title? Will you be proud? What will you do then? Who will you be? Will you change? I’ll answer that for you, no! You will just become more of that person you’ve been ignoring. But who is that person? If none of you can answer this, then you are simply fighting a zombie war. A war that is unconscious of its state of being, it’s simply just thriving because it believes that it must. Doesn’t that sound like you and breathing? Once you pass on, still, the process will be repeated.

This is your fate as long as you are self-loathing & ignorant. Look at the principles which you have created for this world. You created this fear of a hell, put the illusion in our minds yet the way you teach us to prevent our souls from being damned in it, is by keeping ourselves in it, here. Look at your air!”

A storm began to hit and heavy rain began to fall. Suddenly, there were children who were appearing from within the crowd and they joined the girls side.

“Look at your air!” She shouted again.

The children moved up to the people, standing still in front of everyone, looking eye to eye as the protesters did with the police.

“Will you hear their voice? Or continue to ignore us? We just want to breathe too.”

Everyone in the crowd began to look with shame, some of them couldn’t look the children in the eye, and some people walked away. The officers just stood there looking unconfident about their next move. The girl continued to stand still holding the child, no one approached her. It was a moment like no other, I remember the feeling, it was as if the whole world stood still. Grown men and women, got their egos tossed and pride shaken, by a teenage child, who spoke as if she was possessed by Allah. Perhaps she was, and perhaps it is through the child, that Allah will speak his commandments and bring judgement to the whole world. Perhaps it is only by the voice of the child, that we will all remember who we are, and who God is.

It is the day before Christmas, and it is a child who reminded us all, that we have been celebrating a ceremony, and not the man who died on the cross in front of many who witnessed his miracles. I must admit, I too felt shame on that day.

Isaiah 11

There shall come forth a Rod from the stem of Jesse,

And a Branch shall grow out of his roots.

2 The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him,

The Spirit of wisdom and understanding,

The Spirit of counsel and might,

The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord.

3 His delight is in the fear of the Lord,

And He shall not judge by the sight of His eyes,

Nor decide by the hearing of His ears;

4 But with righteousness He shall judge the poor,

And decide with equity for the meek of the earth;

He shall strike the earth with the rod of His mouth,

And with the breath of His lips He shall slay the wicked.

5 Righteousness shall be the belt of His loins,

And faithfulness the belt of His waist.

6 “The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb,

The leopard shall lie down with the young goat,

The calf and the young lion and the fatling together;

And a little child shall lead them.


A TruLove Ending *Kissing The Black Rose*

The scent of the black rose…
The scent that we hide from our nose alond with the root that we forbid our eyes from ever seeing, so that we’ll never believe it, so that it never becomes… A rose on our doorstep.

When I started TruLovExists, my goal was to bring everybody together and to get everyone to understand the importance of unconditional love; which we must all have for each other. With every article you were all growing with me, as I was sharing with you, all that I was learning myself along the way. My goal was to make sure that my people don’t make the same mistakes that I’ve made.Every lesson I gave to you, was also a personal lesson that I had to learn. I’ve made many mistakes in the past, many of which have aided to the growth of the man I am today. However, I’ve also made some mistakes that aren’t so distant in the past. Mistakes that have caused me to loose what I’ve cherished most.

You see, TruLove was also inspired by someone, someone who’s been very special to me for 5 years. This special person really defined true love for me. They gave me the kind of love that I wasn’t receiving anywhere else. No matter how many people would come and go in my life, this person was here to stay. She… She gave me her everything. She fought against her parents defending our relationship; and she stood ground no matter how bad they insulted her for dating me. She gave me her heart, her trust, her body… Her soul. She gave me to me and I gave to her, we shared everything. However, I was the cause for the imbalance.

I wasn’t the best man to the women of my intimate past. I was very much a different man going back from the just recent year of 2014. I was a man who didn’t know what to do with all off the pain I’ve received throughout my life. The pain of watching my mother self-abuse, the pain of needing a father who although was miles away, it felt like our distance stretched into the galaxies. Unable to control this pain and not let it control me, and not yet in understanding of who I was as a young black male, I mistreated women. I lied, I cheated, I verbally slaughtered, and I even abandoned.

Today is the day that Karma gave me her hello.

Today, all of the women that I have ever been with can rejoice. For today, I received all that I was due for hurting each and everyone of them.

It was around this time, six years ago, when I was talking to an ex girlfriend on the phone. We were going through a lot of things which caused us to be separated even while we were still in a relationship. I was letting her know that it was over. She was crying to me, telling me that she didn’t understand why we had to break up; told me that she felt that we were stronger than that. I told her that I couldn’t do the relationship anymore, that I wanted to move on, and she would have to do the same. She said that she didn’t know how to just move on from someone she loved, that its not something that she could just so easily do without pain. I told her yes, it would hurt, but that she would just have to start seeing other people until she was over me. The conversation ended after that. Well, fast forward to 5 years later, and here I am now, being told the same thing over the phone, literally.

Scenes of my life began to flash as I heard those words “you’re going to have to start seeing other people.” I couldn’t believe that the time had come, where I would be on the other side where the heart breaks. I was now on the other end of the stick. I was now hearing the same words uttered to me by someone I truly loved, same words I uttered to someone who truly loved me. My TruLove.

Perhaps she is the knight who came to pay retribution for all those I’ve ever caused pain. However I must say, I caused her the most pain. Me and her were together for 5 years. And throughout these 5 years, I wasn’t as equal to her as she was to me. So many times I pushed her aside, and although the sight of her coming back no matter how much pain I had caused her should’ve woke me up, I just kept pushing. I took the fact that she kept coming back for granted, I never thought that our relationship would come to an end. However, here I was now on the other end of the phone, just as my ex was, listening to those brutal words. “You have to move on. We need to separate. We need to see other people. I don’t want this anymore.” Then there I was, begging, begging for her to not just walk away, telling her that we were stronger than a couple that separated. Just the same way as I too, was being begged. She wasn’t hearing it. And then came what I would have never predicted, hate. Her words to me now were lacking love, they were words that was accompanied by a tone that I too once had for her, and my ex. I now realized that I was facing what I never thought would be, the ending of our true love. Although hurt by it, I understood. She was fed up. She had gone through so much pain & suffering within our 5 years of being together, so how could I blame her? Truth is I couldn’t.

We never know what we are taking for granted, until that same person who we’ve abused take their love and shred it right in front of our face. 

Am I saint? No. So did I deserve it, pride once forbid me from showing it but in return for all the things I’ve done, yes, I did, perhaps even more. Perhaps I should be grateful that it wasn’t more. My heart feels abandoned, its confused, it wants light in this pit of darkness. Yet, I’m the one to blame for it being there.

So my message to you readers, those of you who are in a relationship with their current true love. Is that I want you to learn from my wrongs, so that they wont be yours. Although love is such a beautiful thing, it can be a very painful thing if mistreated. So never try to control one another, allow your true love to express his/her feelings and never seek to be the winner of any conversation. Understand that for true love to last, there must be balance, there must be quality between the two of you. Never make your love feel less than a person by complaining about the type of person who they are not and comparing them to other people. You might as well go ahead an be with those other people if they catch your eye so much. Take strong value on conversation and the times you share with each other alone. Bond with each other, do fun things, keep the fame alive! Don’t keep your head down in your phone, that right there is what’s distancing connection. And simply, make sure that if this is something that both of you truly believe in, that you both hold on and don’t allow anything! anything! To tear you apart. That also means don’t do anything that will tear yourselves apart.

So what’s next for me? Well… It’s time to repair what’s broken inside. It’s time to reconstruct, it’s time to truly become my greatest version, as I have inspired all of you to be. I will tell you one thing for sure, that never again will I ever, break a true love’s heart.
True Love Exists, and it’s because of You! Never let it die. Never let the flame go out.
As the final chapter of one book comes to a close, another begins its first…


To Not Loose Sight "Ivans Lesson"

There’s an old Jamaican saying that goes -“Cow Nevah Know Di Use a Him Tail Until Him Lose it”.  What this means is that, the true value of something may very well go unnoticed until its existance is no longer existent. We can also translate that to, “You don’t know what you’ve had or have, until you have nothing.”
There was a young boy, named Ivan, who while in college, was recieving a good amount of money every month which kept him financially stable. He felt good, and he was happy, but he still had a few worries. His worries were that he never had enough. He believed that he never had enough food, and for the food he did had, he felt they were not good enough for him to be able to make himself a satisfying meal. So he would either buy more groceries, plenty of which he did not use, or go out for something to eat simply because, he knew that he could afford it. Ivan also believed that he did not have enough clothes, and felt that the clothes he did have, were either not suitable for the weather or were limited for him to be able to put together an outfit. So he would purchase more clothes which would cost him quite a flawless penny. He would always go out, believing that to just rest at home would dull his life and nothing could ever be attained while sitting still in his apartment. The flow of money Ivan had, kept him on the go and at most times. His friends would hit him up consistenlty hoping to kick some time with him, but would claim to  be too busy  as he had got used to going out, having temporary conversations and moments with people that he would meet at diners and bars. Strangers who he would never see again. His girlfriend began to complain that she was not seeing enough of him and that they hardly talked nor have they in a while,  spent any time together. Yet, he ignored her feelings of neglect and in return neglected them with arguments, claiming that she was the one being selfish and desiring way too much of him. She warned him that although she truly loved him, if he would not shape up soon, she would grow tired and leave, he ignored that as well.
School was now over, and the money had stopped flowing. While comfortable with the flow of currency, Ivan never felt the need to get a job, therefore he was unemployed with now only a few dollars in his bank account and a very tight budget. Since he was now unable to go out and splerge as he used to, he now found good reasons to stay home, and actually found himself to be very productive, now reading books and excersising. He realized that his budget grew too tight for him to just go out and buy food whenever he got hungry, and was very surprised to discover the amount of meals he could make with the “little food” that he did have. He began to see things like snacks, and other edibles that he never knew existed in the pantry. As far as clothes go, with now no other choice but to use what he has, he was amazed at how many outfits he was able to put together with clothes he had neglected to wear. Also now, his phone had stopped rigning, none of his friends were calling him anymore,  they had accepted that his life was to busy to include them in it, so they gave up. His girlfriend though, was still there, and is actually the only one still consistent with including herself in his life. He came to realize how foolish he has always been, able to see now what he can live without, and also, what he can’t.
 This is an important message for each of us. For us to wake up, and not keep our minds so clogged that we neglect to have any time to notice the things and the people, in our lives, who really matter, who really love us, and desires to have a connection to us more than we even desire to have a connection with ourselves. Many of you already had those people in your lives, and if you didn’t pay good enough attention to their presence, you’ll notice that they’re gone. Let Ivans lesson, be an insight for you all. Don’t let it be too late that you no longer have what you’ve always had.

"May I Share My Story?" Graduating From College Was My Biggest Fear

*Outside Story* A very inspirational read for not only young inspiring writers, but for recent as well as upcoming college grads.

Thought Catalog

Five years ago today, I graduated from college.

Five years ago, I packed up everything with my name scribbled on it and stuffed it into the leather backseat of my car.

My car, that I would later sell for money to use on a one-way ticket to NYC and a three-month lease on a room with only three real walls.

But before that, before the apartment on 31st street across from a pizza shop and a beaten up library with a stiff late fee policy, there was a walk to Bank of America. There was the quick withdrawal of my entire savings account, which I’d use for a trip to Europe and then a move across the country.

There was the time I moved back home and then, there was the time I moved back home again.

There was waking up in the middle of night in a pile…

View original post 1,587 more words

"May I Share My Story?" The Text That Never Sent

April- It goes without saying, that I’m going to miss you after this unspoken but necessary goodbye. However, I’m not going to miss the silence, the inconsistency, the lack of effort & of course, the way you would so easily leave me here just to pick me back up & a reel me back in whenever you felt like. I won’t miss the surprise text “hey hyd?!” that came after weeks to months of silence. I don’t know what I was to you, but I know what I wanted to be. I can say now that, I truly don’t know who you are since you choose to be for whatever reason, such a damn mystery, but I knew what I assumed you to be for me. My charming, my person sent from God himself. Ahh, you just always knew how to say the right things that made me feel like I had wings.

You really understood me. You gave me advice on my personal dilemmas, and you even promised me reasons why everything will be better, encouraging me to have confidence. I was ready to change my life to have you more involved in it, but then… You left. I hope to God that you don’t do this with every girl you meet who feels swept off their feet when they meet you. You giving off false hopes of an actual relationship…

But you know what, I look at this world from a third eye view, and I don’t blame you at all. People’s attention span are short! People get bored very easily with things and other people. Some people even get bored with themselves which is why they go out, seeking attention from any and everyone. Every action has a cause I’ve learned. People have gotten so used to rapid change and always having to update to something new, that a relationship is only worthwhile for awhile, until someone finds a better update. You know, I was always told that I’d be really good for someone, and I myself believe that I could be the reason why someone decides to mash the brakes while driving and park just to speak to me. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but truth be told, that’s every girl. I honestly do and I will always believe I’d be the reason why someone knows there’s a sun in the sky without looking up, you just know it’s there, you can feel its energy.

Simply put to this conclusion, I guess I wasn’t your reason….

This is a message that you may never receive, but I hope one day you will feel these words in your heart, that you’ll decide to stop toying with people’s emotions. This is, my silent goodbye…


"May I Share My Story?" Dear True Love, 

Dear True Love,
Once the best times are had, they forever last. Beautiful times and sweet memories, once we seen an escape from hell, we went to heaven fast.
I’m glad, I met you at the time I did, was at a point when I was ready to flush the toilet on relationships, I was done with the shit. You was near to the same route. You had so many reasons to doubt me even.
But then I came, you came, we came, intimate friends. Was distant in distance, but so close. Intimate phone calls, late night, visionary long walks, I felt you with me. We vowed to never let that go.
I sold my time to you, my mind to you, you gave me the same. Made me really think, have I ever been, truly in love before? I don’t believe I ever felt my heart before knowing your voice. Nah, I was just pussy desperate, lust wishing, heart crippling. I was seduced consciously to believe in the false tales of black love.
I felt the pain of your story too. Was intimate with the wrong dude, took something so precious from you. Your innocence, your sanity, your fairytale dreams. You didn’t have to make me promise not to repeat the same thing, I did so voluntarily. Still, that was the only thing you asked for me.
Months passed and we seen each other, days passed, we really loved each other, time passed, we started planning our life together.
Your parents hated it all the way, oh they hated it so bad. But no matter how hard they tried to keep you separate from me and even though they threatened you if you ever continued to see me, did it stop us? Hell no.
Then suddenly the sun went away and my ego reigned. A promise was broken, the trust was soaked in, the same bed your ex’s slept in. I became no different.
You I lost. Your heart, dreams, faith in me was all gone. As the world turns, you start to appreciate the other side, that’s now far away. Yeah I got you back, but no matter how close you were in my presence, your spirit was still far away. Honestly I hated it, but could I say shit? I gave you all the reasons to believe that niggas ain’t shit.
It was my responsibility to become s man. The world was not worth, loosing you.
I wish I never hurt you, but I’m glad I made mistakes, because without them, I would have never been able to see what it is truly like to see you in pain.
Every couple goes through their ups and downs in their relationship, but not every couple is able to make it out. I’m happy to say that we survived. The love was had was something that no one could define, not even us, we just knew it existed. A soul plane of true love. My relationships goal, is to never loose you… Again.
Take care, and remember that promise we made. That no matter how distant we are in distance, we will always remain close, together.
“Sometimes lessons are learned too late.”


"May I Share My Story?" The Ice Man

I’ve forced women to do some terrible things. Abortions, put their body’s up for pleasure, be unfaithful to their feelings, but worst of all, I’ve made some consider cutting their own life short.
Who am I to have so much influence on a woman’s mind? A Queen, the one who gives life, a symbol of the one who gave me mine. I’m pissed off. Where is she that will slap me and say nigga please? My words make them so weak. But how when I hardly speak? Questions with no answers. My momma said, it’s because I walk with my fathers pants and I have her luring eyes. The sins of the parents. I adopted skills I didn’t ask for and would quickly return in exchange for my own life.
These women, they love me and they hate me. They can’t stand to be the least 2ft away from me, but push me when I’m close only to pull be back to em before I fall off.
I appear to love it. I appear to want more of it as I keep going after these poor hearts. It’s really depression that makes me hungry to create pain. Pain is what created me. Pain is what makes me. My fathers pain mixed with his mothers pain and my mothers pain mixed with her family’s pain, conjoined to create me.
I forced women to do dirty things, but it wasn’t really me. It was the different souls inside of me that spoke to them, that convinced them, a different soul speaking to each different person. I’ve been there when body’s fell and loved ones were lost. My silence ate up their spine just as much as them bullets did, actually worse. I can feel their spirits around me, whenever I speak, whenever I eat, whenever I fuck, and whenever the music’s playing in my ears and through my speakers, it’s not the artist I hear, it’s their cries. These spirits never leave. Frustrated, I take my frustrations out on two breasts, a smooth neck, some nice legs, gorgeous lips, pretty feet, and a pathway inside the temple. Sick, is it? Unfortunately I must say that there is no medicine for this one.
Why don’t I just walk away? Why can’t I keep quiet and my distance? I need them, just as I know they need me and the lessons that comes with fantasizing in I. I, need their warmness, without it I’d freeze to death. Then I’ll cease to exist completely, and whatever happens will just have to happen. I just hope none of them kills me.